Perspective can be a funny thing. Since Mary Elizabeth’s stroke in December 2009, I was focused first on her survival, then her recovery and now her adjustment to daily life. Every day, I looked for changes. Had she gotten better? Had she gotten worse? Was there a trend?
In the last few weeks I’ve been compiling all the blog posts into a single document, with the intention of using it as the foundation for a longer, more in-depth piece of writing. As I read the posts from our London days, I was struck by my steadfast reporting of Mary Elizabeth’s condition and the progress of her recovery.
But as I faithfully documented all the ways she’d changed since before the stroke, and also since the stroke, I misguidedly and perhaps subconsciously assumed that I was the same, and that Mary Elizabeth needed to change.
During some of the more difficult times in London, when she seemed the farthest away, I would hold Mary Elizabeth’s hand and whisper – sometimes tearfully – in her ear, “Come back to me,” as if I was home and she was away. It’s curious that I didn’t think to say “stay right there – I’m on my way!”
Almost two years later, as I wrote in the last post, I’m beginning to feel a difference in my approach to acceptance. I’m less obsessed with how our lives have changed since before the stroke and a little more focused on the here and now.
So I think my frame of reference has been a little off. I’ve always assumed that I’m the healthy one who didn’t have a stroke, who has a job and who keeps it all together, and Mary Elizabeth is the recovering handicapped person. I’ve even spent some time thinking about how to describe her to people who don’t know what happened. Do I say, “My wife is handicapped?” “Disabled?” or simply “In a wheelchair?” What I settled on is “My wife is recovering from a stroke.”
What might be more truthful however is “I am recovering from my wife’s stroke.”
I’ve been so preoccupied with looking for change in Mary Elizabeth that I didn’t pay attention to how much I needed to change. I think I got comfortable in the role of the poor guy whose wife had a stroke and who would over-report details to people who simply asked how Mary Elizabeth was, ultimately getting some kind of gratification from people’s feeling sorry for us. Poor Scott.
Well, enough of that. We are both changing, evolving and transcending who we were before, and at least for today, I am excited to see where we’re headed.
Moved in Sundry Places 
When I read your blog, I rarely come away thinking “poor Scott”. In spite of so many obstacles, I often I think, inspiring Scott, strong Scott, eloquent Scott, for being able to bring into personal focus, and then share so poignantly, parts of this journey. Then, finally, lucky Scott and Mary Elizabeth- for having such a deep love for each other that you can navigate through such a challenge…I wonder how many of us reading this would have done as well?
And if you are compiling your blog and additional writings for a larger publication, you will, undoubtedly, inspire countless others.
Have a good weekend!
Debbie
This brought me to tears. You and your dear wife HAVE been through an actual time of suffering, purging, renewal, whatever you may want to call it or focus on. Your experience has been real, and that has given power to your story. Somehow you have mostly maintained an attitude of acceptance, albeit an evolving one. But I’ve also received vibes of strength, good humor, and surrender to the Lord through all the trials.
Thank you for continuing to share your deeply personal experience.
good for you scott!
I think we could all approach life the way you have describe in you blog, my prayers are with you and your family always.
Hi Scott and Mel-this is such a meaningful message. Never once did I think of you’re actually feeling sorry for yourself, but rather coming to grips with a change that was not really within your control. With any devastating life change it takes a while to assimilate and accept. I think friends often feel a bit helpless, but this message is so inspiring-don’t forget it came from much hard work on your part, on Mel’s part and the existence of your 3 great kids! xobambi
You continue to inspire with your blogs. We all think of you and wish you and your family the best.
Scott – This blog is a love story! What you and Mary Elizabeth have provided is a tribute to how a couple can live and survive through something really difficult. I can’t tell you how inspirational it has been to check in on the blog to see how you have been doing. Your strength has been amazing. Hopefully, it will help you to know that you have touched people way beyond your immediate circle and we all admire you and your marriage. No pity at all!