We’ve had a full week since the last post as we continue to adjust to our new life.
Over the weekend, we socialized with friends, went out to dinner and lunch a few times, and hung out at home, enjoying the great weather. Two of our kids marched in the Locust Valley Memorial Day parade yesterday – Clark who’s a Cub Scout and Louisa, who’s a Brownie. We picked a shady spot in the middle of the parade route and settled in. This is one of the first times that Mary Elizabeth has really been out in a public setting, and during the parade, several marchers broke ranks to rush up and greet her. Many of them haven’t seen Mary Elizabeth since November so it was emotionally charged, but lovely.
For the last six months, I admit to harboring an irrational hope that Mary Elizabeth will have a complete recovery and that our lives will return to the way they were before December 5. In truth, regardless of the extent to which Mary Elizabeth recovers, one thing is certain – our lives will never, ever be the same. Having to take on all the duties of both spouses – gladly, mind you – I am seeing that first hand. And while it’s easy to say that we have to take each day as it comes, really believing it and living it is much more challenging.
I believe that the only way to really do that is to let go. To completely release the notion that everything will go back to the way it was. Abandon preconceived expectations about the future – however hard that may be – and look forward, with hope and faith, releasing fear as well.
In many ways, we really don’t have a choice right now since we don’t know where the trajectory of Mary Elizabeth’s recovery will take us. But we can keep looking for opportunities to love one another, and cherish what we have. I believe that will sustain us and give us the motivation to keep on keeping on.
I miss the old Mary Elizabeth – sometimes so much it hurts, but I’m enjoying falling in love with the new Mary Elizabeth just as much. And so as I let her go, I also welcome her. It’s a wonderful paradox.
Moved in Sundry Places 
You write so beautifully and have such a way with words that I feel like I’m right there with you. This blog should really be made into a book one day. Your strength is such an inspiration to so many.
Scott & Mary Elizabeth
Life is certainly going to be different but who knows maybe it will be better. You will take the time “to smell the flowers”, & be thankful for what God has given you realizing how very close you came to losing it. I think we all take so much of our lives for granted never realizing how blessed we are until something happens. You have shown us all how to handle life’s issues with grace & love. Your love for each other and your family is heartwarming!
God is watching over you and He brings you His love, strength and comfort each day. Keep reaching for the “gold ring” you can do it!!
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
God Bless,
Bob & Carol
Hi Scott and Mel-am glad you were able to be out and with friends during the long weekend and able to enjoy the fair weather. Also glad that Mel got to greet marchers and friends in person! Your posts are always so very insightful Scott. Writing is one thing, but actually doing what needs to be done by you on a daily basis is another. You are an amazing husband, father and friend and you have proved that beyond what words can impart, and we will all continue to remind you of that!!! Julia C graduated from Brooks on Sat and Elise held what will probably be her final graduation brunch. All three girls were there and doing well. As always-much love to all, b
Hey Scott, your last post really touched my heart. I agree that you have to let go of your dream to nourish and cherish the new reality. And it can be so, so hard. You are amazingly strong and insightful. Your love for Mary Elizabeth (pre-Dec 5 and currently) shines from the page…and I hope you take time to grieve the loss of your old “normal” life. Many hugs from me!
Never has been written a more beautiful letter from the heart and head.
Letting go, in the intellectual sense, is fairly straightforward, but having your whole self do so, physically, emotionally & spiritually, really is more like a process, a life journey.
I am only speaking from my own experiences of having to let go; it is difficult for me. My head knows which path to take, but getting my whole self to go there still takes me time.
I guess the trick is to embrace where we are, giving the sacrifice of praise (sometimes very difficult!), and making sure we aren’t on this journey alone. WE CANNOT DO IT ALONE.
Scott – God bless you and your family. You are such a special person – one who inspires and influences many all while trying desperately to navigate your way through these unsure times.
You’re a pioneer, a real and true hero to me.
Love,
Mary Grace Roach
I am sure that this whole experience continues to have its ups and downs. I have been so proud of everything you have done to work toward a great outcome…and keep that up. You never know where it will lead. I know you both love each other and your family dearly…and we all know God answers prayers in amazing ways. So, keep the faith…and keep working at ME’s recovery. But, you are right, in the meantime, enjoy what is the here and now.
We love you all, Jane and John
Even thought things may never be the same again, it’s obvious that this whole experience has given you a gift – realizing and truly appreciating the depth of the love that you and Mary Elizabeth share. It’s something we often take for granted in our marriages, but now it is something that you can hold on to and treasure.
Please give my love to Mary Elizabeth. I miss her dearly. We had the twins club fashion show the other night and it just wasn’t the same without her. I hope to be able to see her soon for a little visit.
Take good care,
Theresa Koubek
It’s a different reality. Like Elizabuth Kubler Ross’ book on the stages of grieving, this is not unsimiliar. I would have been worried if you had kept up your sunshine, reach for the stars campaign. We all KNOW how much you love Mary Elizabeth and the children. But, it is harder now, and different. You’re a wonderful man, a loving husband and father, but you are also human. And, you too have been through a lot.
Keep hanging in…..best wishes, Laurie
Well said, Scott!
I have a similar sadness with something in my life. Whatever it is that changes for us is from the hand of God. He either gives it or allows it, and His ways are above ours.
Each day say it, “I want to let go of the past and embrace what you have for me today, Lord. I will take up my cross and follow You.”
For whatever it counts, your hopes were never irrational -everyone reading this story you graciously allow us to be part of would understand, especially if they’ve “been there”. In my little life I have found a truth in “All things work together for good” as St. Paul put it. I suppose the journey is in discovering God’s definition of “good” (all I know right now is that it’s a “good” one). Thanks for letting us hop on the train of that journey with you. I hope we make your decision to do so worth it. Tim
Dear Scott and Mary Elizabeth, Scott you are sounding more and more Buddhist. How true that letting go is the supreme act of love, and how I honor and value you both with great love. Hugs, Noelle
Hi Scott,
I agree that you should compile your posts into a book someday – you do write beautifully and your perspective is important and valuable. You have been reminding us all along what is really important in life.
We think of you, of Mary Elizabeth, and your beautiful children so often – and send you our best always.
Jephtha
Hey Gang,
Glad I checked in tonight to see your new post. My heart breaks and sings for you all in the same beat. I feel for what you’re going through, but you make it seem so easy.
Regardless of your moments of weakness when you show us your human and that it SUCKS to have this happen to you, you still come out shining at the end.
Regardless of if she does/doesn’t make a full recovery, I hope you realize what a valuable lesson you are teaching your children.
I know it’s not all rainbows and kittens, lol, and times are hard, have been hard, and may get harder , but the strength you are teaching the kids is remarkable. They might miss the old Mary Elizabeth, but then they would have never met the New Scott!
Life gets in the way of my journey to the island of long but I am never, and have never been, far from your heart. I have yet to visit a church without lighting a candle for your family since this all started. Perhaps I’ve been slacking on not sending enough good vibes your way, so today I send extra, and tomorrow I’ll send a few extra, and in no time we will be back up to full!
SOOOOOO Sending GOod Vibes from Mulberry Street….. xxoo.
Nat
Very moving post, and a touching reminder to us all that the nature of all things is to change. I send my very best wishes to you and your family during this trying time of transition.
Scott and Mary Elizabeth, I can only imagine what you are going through – thank you for your strength and grace and for reminding us of what’s really important. I know that God is control and pray that you will continue to be strengthened and brought closer by this experience. Hang in there. You are truly a remarkable family.