Well, it’s been exactly one year since we arrived back in New York from London.

I remember that day like it was  yesterday – every detail from showing up at Royal London Hospital at 5:00am to pick up Mary Elizabeth on the way to Heathrow to our arrival at Columbia Presbyterian later that day – and everything in between.  Mary Elizabeth doesn’t remember much about that day, but I’ve given her a detailed description several times – including the hero status of our friend Gary who came over to help escort us back home.

Mary Elizabeth would ultimately spend another 5 weeks in the hospital and suffer several minor strokes while there.  It was however a period characterized by rapid change and aggressive therapy, supported by intrepid staff at Columbia Presbyterian and building on the excellent work of the professionals at Royal London.  It was a little surreal being home again after so many weeks away and I was struck by the newly-frenetic pace of my life.  The time in London had been intense in many ways – but was downright relaxing compared to what I faced upon my return.  A paradox which continues today.

I admit to feeling nostalgic about our days in London on several levels.  It was logistically easier – I had three things to worry about:  Mary Elizabeth, work and bell ringing.  Everything  else back at home was being looked after by other people.  From an emotional perspective, there was a lot of anxiety about Mary Elizabeth’s recovery and about the logistics around getting her home.  But along with that anxiety was a lot of hope for a full and robust recovery.   That feeling of hope – fueled no doubt by adrenaline and rapid improvement – did seem a lot more accessible then than it does today.

Now before you all think I’m being too negative, understand that we haven’t lost hope – it’s just coming from a different place now, and perhaps a little harder to conjure up on a consistent basis.

Because while I am incredibly encouraged – and awed – by Mary Elizabeth’s recent progress, the uncertainty of the future weighs heavily on our shoulders and tempers our enthusiasm with a grim determination.   Unburdened by the acute challenges we faced a year ago, we now have the bandwidth to consider the future and think about what shape the trajectory of Mary Elizabeth’s recovery will take.

Thinking about where we’ve come in the last year helps, but we need more substantial fuel for the fire of Hope to burn brightly.

I’ve said before that it’s love – and that’s a large part of it – but I’ve been thinking a lot about faith these days (it is Lent after all) and how it inspires Hope.  We can’t predict the future and just saying that everything will be okay begins to sound hollow after a while.  I’ve been drawing on faith – a conviction based on belief when concrete proof doesn’t exist – to help us cope, and face more brightly whatever our future brings.

For who knows what the coming year will hold?   Certainly not me.  What I do know however is that Mary Elizabeth and I have had another year together, side by side with our three kids and backed by the wonderful support, good wishes and prayers of our friends and family.  Thank you.