We had a follow-up visit with the Neurologist at Columbia Presbyterian yesterday and the news is good.

The last time we saw him was in June so he was able to see tremendous progress.  When we were there last summer, Mary Elizabeth couldn’t tell him what the date or year was, how old our children were – or even the name of the hospital we were in.  Yesterday, she got all that right – of course!

The other good news is that her MRI scan shows no evidence of further strokes – something we were worried about.  So that fact means that there is less of a concern about recurrent strokes, and the possibility that the stroke in 2009 and subsequent strokes in 2010 were isolated and not part of a trend.

The less-than-great aspect of yesterday’s visit is that the doctor feels that Mary Elizabeth has made most – if not all – of the progress that she will make.  More than a year after the stroke, he feels that she has likely reached the plateau phase of her recovery and any progress she makes now will be slow and not so discernible.

I feel a little bit like we’ve been on a train, and have been told to get off before we get to our destination.   For my fellow Long Islanders, it’s like buying a ticket for Locust Valley and being kicked off the train at Jamaica.  I want to cry out, “But we’re not there yet!  We have so much farther to go!”

So I was feeling a little conflicted about last night’s visit.  I’m so grateful for the progress – let me just say amazing progress – that Mary Elizabeth has made, and certainly that there have been no more strokes.  But I’m a little stunned.  I guess I had expected to be told that she was going to get better – or possibly worse.

Recently, I’ve been thinking that possibly the most terrifying alternative was no change at all.  Because while there has been such progress, the challenges of daily living are sometimes hard to bear – even with all the wonderful help we get – and I’ve been doubting my ability to keep it all together – kids, job and Mary Elizabeth.

So much for the stalwart, positive-thinking Scott…

My youngest daughter Louisa is our designer-in-residence.  Holiday decorations are her responsibility – something she embraces with enthusiasm and skill.   So now that Christmas and Epiphany are officially behind us, the next big decorating challenge is Valentine’s Day (I guess  Groundhog day is under the radar).  So this morning, in the pre-dawn chill, I was heading out the door to catch a train and I saw it – right in front of my face.

On one of the glass panes of the back door,  Louisa had placed a big red gel heart with the word “love” inscribed within it.

There it was – the answer I had been looking for – the balm for my troubled mind. My doubts, concerns and fears began to melt away because there it was – the one and only thing we really need – love.

So yes, the demands of our daily life – now into the foreseeable future – will be at times difficult to bear, but I have been given the gift of love – many times over – and I can never take that for granted, or let it be overshadowed by doubt and fear.

So I sally forth, with the word “love” inscribed on my heart, and when we encounter piles of lemons as we will again and again, you know what we will do – make lemonade!